I finally stopped running

When I left New York in 2011, I thought I was starting over.

I had three kids under five, a Brooklyn mortgage, a full-time academic job, and a creeping burnout I didn’t yet have words for.

I told myself it was just exhaustion, that a one-year adventure might be the reset I needed. 

So we packed up, flew halfway across the world, and landed in Tasmania.

In my mind, the checklist was simple:

• I wanted an English-speaking country.

• A job that could cover my mortgage.

• A place with four seasons.

And I didn’t want another big city.

That was it.

What I didn’t know then was that I was carrying far more than suitcases.

I’m someone who’s hardwired for movement, someone who is always in motion and staying busy. It had always served me - until it didn’t.

What I came to see soon after we arrived was that all my noise and motion were a kind of distraction. When you stop moving, you start to hear yourself. And that can be unbearable at first.

I remember saying later, in a lecture, “Everywhere I go, there I am.”

It hit me hard, this realization that I could move across the world, change my job, change the view from my window, but my patterns came with me. My habits, my restlessness, my self-judgment, all of it unpacked itself neatly into the new house.

The truth is, Tasmania didn’t fix me. It forced me to face myself.

The stillness gave me no choice but to notice what I’d been avoiding: the fear that if I stopped producing, I might disappear.

I had spent years in constant motion, tending to everyone else and avoiding the quiet where the truth lies.

That’s where everything started to change. Not because I found peace, but because I stopped pretending I didn’t need it.

If I could go back and tell that version of myself one thing, it would be this

You can’t outrun what needs to be seen.

You can only turn toward it and let it teach you how to stay.

So wherever you are today, in motion or in stillness, I invite you to pause for a moment. Notice what has followed you.

It’s not a failure to find it still there.

It’s the beginning of finally coming home to yourself.

3 Coaching Questions to Consider This Week….

• What truth have you been avoiding because it feels uncomfortable to face?

• When you slow down, what do you notice that you usually rush past?

• What might change if you stopped trying to fix yourself and started listening instead?

If this resonates, hit reply and tell me what you’re noticing. 

I read every message.

Erica

Executive & Leadership Coach

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